This sentence is too long. This one’s too
short. You have too many sentences starting in the same manner. It’s a fight
scene, for crying out loud! Make it sound like one.
What’s in a
sentence? That by any other…
Not all
sentences are created equal, and not all sentences serve the same function. The
basics are (for the most part) the same: you’ve got a subject, a verb, and a
complete thought. But there are many ways of ordering the parts to create
meaning and music, to craft words that sing to your reader. In addition to
simple sentences, you can use a subordinatingconjunction (e.g. while, although, when, etc.), coordinatingconjunction (e.g. and, but, for, so, etc.) or conjunctive adverb
(e.g. however, nevertheless, indeed, instead, etc.) to build complex sentences.
Capisce?
Before you
run screaming for the hills with these grammar lessons, let me explain why paying attention to your
sentences is important.
Your Sentences
Contribute to Voice
Okay, so here’s
a little grammar lesson: In simplest terms, syntax is the order in which words
are placed in a sentence. The pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables creates rhythm,
which in turn influences your characters’ style and your manuscript’s
tone.
In other
words: the way we order our words and sentences contributes to voice.
Notice the
difference in the following examples:
Chase’s cell phone vibrates on his dresser.
It sounds like a swarm of mosquitoes. THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE by Sarah Lynn
Scheerger
The fruits and vegetables for sale were
rejects from nearby supermarkets—basically, they were cheap and somewhat
edible. THE THIEF OF LIES by Brenda Drake
Back then, the outskirts of Boston were
still farmland, and in the summer I spent the long days out of doors with
friends, coming home only when the sun set. THE GLASS SENTENCE by S.E.
Grove
When I open my eyes, all I can see is
darkness. Can’t move… can’t speak…can’t think through this jaw-grinding
headache. RIDERS by Veronica Rossi
Each of the
above has a different arrangement of words, each resulting in a different voice
and tone. Sarah Lynn Scheeger’s example makes use of simple sentences. Brenda
Drake’s has a compound subject and uses an em-dash to link a dependent clause.
S.E. Grove’s is a longer, more complex sentence. And Veronica Rossi’s uses both
dependent/independent clauses along with ellipses to simulate longer pauses.
And with
each different style, we get a glimpse into the character’s voice and the
story’s tone.
Often, our
characters’ voices come to us with their unique quirks. They might have a habit
of avoiding contractions, or maybe they skip the final “n” in some words.
Perhaps they use slang. Or maybe English is their second language, and they
skip some prepositions.
As writers,
we try to faithfully record the nuances of our characters, though it’s very
easy to muddle the space between their voices and our own. While there is no
one preferred order for words, other than it needs to make sense to the reader, it’s important to note that our entire manuscript will not be written using
only one pattern or structure. The examples above? Just one of many these authors used.
Which leads
me to…
Vary
your sentences
Characters will speak a certain way (which contributes to
their voice) and you will write a
certain way (which contributes to your voice),
but to achieve the perfect harmony, there has to be variety. I know what you’re
thinking. But my protagonist always talks
like this! Maybe…
While it’s important to be faithful to our characters, we need
to remember we’re writing fiction. At the 2014 SCBWI FL Conference, Chris
Crutcher said, “You don’t need to use the same words (curse, like, etc.) all
the time. Just a couple mentions go a long way [to] place your reader there.”
The same is true for sentence lengths. Just because a character tends to speak
in short, simple sentences doesn’t mean she always should!
Consider the
following:
When
sentences follow the same structure too many times in a row (or when they
repeat “like” every other line), we have monotony. And monotony is not good. It’s
boring. A bored reader is one who might not finish the story. That’s the last
thing we want!
The good
news is that sentence length is an easy fix. As you re-read your sentence, make
note when you have three or more sentences in a row that have the same structure.
The key here is in a row. Ask
yourself:
- Do they start with the same subject? (e.g. He sat... He ran... He kicked...) If they do, change at least one.
- Do they start with the same kind of dependent phrase? (e.g. Running to the door, he kicked the dirt. Shoving him hard, she dashed outside.)
- Do they have the same syntax? (e.g. She didn’t
know what was worse, losing or losing to him. She thought it was over, except
there he was. She was wrong, as she always seemed to be.)
A great source for identifying repetition and sentence variety, among other sentence/word choice errors, is ProWritingAid.
Use
sentence lengths to create (or reduce) tension
Aside from
creating music, sentence lengths can create or reduce tension. How’s that, you
ask? Consider a sword fight scene. If you’re in the middle of a fight, you’re
not likely to recount it with long, flowery sentences. Your adrenaline’s
pumping. You’re jabbing and ducking. Side-stepping. Another jab, two, three.
And your opponent falls.
However, if
you’re lying languidly against the hot sand, staring at the cotton candy clouds
dotting the sky, you might be more in tune with nature, and as such, your words
will take on a longer, dreamier quality.
Short
lengths are abrupt. Harsh. Longer ones can be poetic. Use this knowledge to
your advantage. Wield that mighty pen—er keyboard—to create sentences that grip
your reader. The combo of complex
characters, compelling story and stakes, and flawless sentences will increase
the chance of capturing an agent’s (and editor’s) attention!
Happy writing (& revising!)
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